February 24, 2004

Dear Mr. President,

This morning you felt compelled to introduce an amendment to the �Constitution of the United States defining marriage as existing only �between one man and one woman.

You say that this will create "clarity."  I would like you to share this �clarity with my first grade daughter on her school playground, when the �children, imitating their role models as they always do, will take up �the issue.  Because I dread those conversations with every fiber of my �being.

Challenged by another child, my daughter will declare forthrightly that �of course her two moms are married.  After all, we have wedding photos �in our home, as any couple does.  They show her two moms, fifteen years �ago, in front of our Unitarian Universalist Congregation.  Smiling, with �many of our friends and family members around us.

You see, we have not yet discussed with this seven year old, precocious �as she is, the distinction between civil and religious marriage.  She �knows only that we are her parents, the only ones she's known.  She �knows that we got married in our church, as her aunts and uncles did, �and that our neighborhood and church, her school and social circle, �involves a significant number of kids with two moms and a few with two �dads.  She knows that we provide the only stability, the only bedrock, �that she has ever known.

Of course she knows that there are people who say that two men or two �women cannot be married.  She knows that, not very long ago, some people �said that no one could marry someone of a different race, but now of �course we no longer believe that.  But I haven't yet been able to break �it to her that some people want to change our Constitution to say that �our family isn't part of "We the people".  I just haven't found a way to �fit it in between soccer and karate and church.

Tonight I will sit her down, after we've done her homework, and have the �conversation that I hoped I could avoid.  I will tell her that you, the �President of the United States, have decided that only a man and a woman �can be married, and that you want to make that part of our Constitution. �Yes, the document she adores from watching Liberty's Kids and reading �Magic Treehouse books.  I will tell her that I don't believe this change �in the Constitution will happen, not enough people will vote for it. �But it does mean that people may say very mean things to her at school �about our family.  She will be afraid.  I will project confidence and �good humor, but I will be afraid, too.

I do not want to teach my daughter that the President of the United �States does not include our family in the people he serves and protects. �I do not want to say to her that the very flag she loves will be waved �by people who believe that it does not belong to our family.

Please, Mr. Bush, tell me how I should conduct myself "without �bitterness or anger" at this time, as you instructed me today.  Come �over to my house tonight:  you look at my daughter's eyes as they absorb �the fact that you, the first President she has ever known,  thinks she �can no longer be included in the very Constitution of this land.  You �tell me how to "conduct this difficult debate in a matter worthy of our �country."  Because I am at a loss.

Sincerely,

The Rev. Meg A. Riley
Unitarian Universalist Association
Washington, DC